Jobs, writ large

Just a quick thought: While reading about how reports on jobs created by the federal rescue stimulus handout giveaway were :riddled with inaccuracies," I was reminded of how the unemployment, cost of living and inflation reports are, too. I'm sure that's different, though...

Should read: Military agrees to not stage coup

USA Today carries one of the embarrassing stories about the potential abandonment of the don't ask, don't tell nonsense used by the military to keep non-straight people in check. But although the story is pretty silly in the big picture of civil rights (and seriously, if you want to go to war, I don't really care who your legal sex partners are, I'm just thankful you choose to serve), the headline and the point of the story are absurd:

Mullen: Military to comply if gay ban law changes.

And the Mullen in question, Adm. Michael Mullen (chairman of the joint chiefs of staff, if you're keeping score at home), says exactly that: The military would go along if the laws governing its rules change.

Well no shit, Sherlock. The only other option is a coup, which of course would mean the military is the enemy, which of course would mean all those "assault" rifles we're discouraged from owning would come in pretty damn handy.

What really blows my mind is that someone appointed to be the ultimate (OK, penultimate. Obama runs the place) voice of the military thinks it is necessary to explicitly state that the military would abide by the rule of law. Seriously, I'm pretty sure they're the people we need to be worried about the least.

I think the pig's out of the bag

I see the federales are trying to lift up those poor, benighted folks in the pig-killing industry by dropping the "swine" from swine flu.

I wish them luck. I just don't think H1N1 is going to cut the mustard.

Girl you know it's true: Deaf Leppard sucks

I'm hoping they're deaf, so as to help explain the embarrassing lip-synch the band formerly known as Def Leppard just turned in on "Dancing with the Stars."

I think I still have the 45 of Pour Some Sugar on Me that is the same one they just played over their stupefyingly awful fake attempt to fake their way through.

I've always been a big believer in the idea that you could overwrite a shitty memory with a good one if you could do something fun during a song, for example, that you associated with an ugly time. I hope the reverse doesn't work: I have a totally awesome previous memory of that song.

Anyway, if I'd been in the audience, I would have booed and thrown a tomato, the universal sign of not enjoying a show.

Red alert, red alert

A national emergency of which I was unaware continued Monday:

Because these terrorist activities continue to threaten the Middle East peace process and to pose an unusual and extraordinary threat to the national security, foreign policy, and economy of the United States, the national emergency declared on January 23, 1995, as expanded on August 20, 1998, and the measures adopted on those dates to deal with that emergency must continue in effect beyond January 23, 2008.

It sounds hokey, of course, but of course, certain people benefit when there's an emergency on...

The anti-cash crusade

As you may recall from my previous posts, I am pro-cash. I wouldn't say I'm really anti-credit card, but I'd rather deal in coins and bills.

You may also recall my disdain for the Internal Revenue Service's taxpayer advocate, Nina E. Olson who is charged with identifying "the most serious problems encountered by taxpayers." She, at least officially, sees cash as an enemy, perhaps the utterest enemy of all.

You may also, also recall my annoyance at the Visa advertising campaign that bills the cards as the cool, hip, with-it alternative to that old school "cash" stuff. I've never thought too much of MasterCard's long-running campaign, but it sure beats the hell out of Visa.

Now it is like a god damned game of mole at the state fair: Monopoly, for Christ's sake, has come out with an Electronic Banking Edition:

Wheel and deal your way to a fortune even faster using debit cards instead of cash! All it takes is a card swipe for money to change hands. Now you can collect rent, buy properties and pay fines - with the touch of a button!

You may have thought, previously, that my pro-cash stance was just about style, or some personal peculiarity, or something else. I'm more concerned with the all-credit-all-the-time nonsense as an assault on a part of our culture I hold dear, the previously mentioned cash economy.

Anyway, I think I'll go home and count my penny collection again. Bah humbug.